So Cold
by Orangest Blossom
Summary: Jade struggles to keep her head above the water... written for 7DOVP or Seven Days If Victorious Prompts warning! eating disorder, may be triggering...


"Beck, it's so cold."

"Sweetheart, it's about eighty degrees outside."

"Don't call me sweetheart...  
>And I'm still cold."<p>

-

It had been a while  
>Since Tori had seen Jade<br>(She'd been in Mexico  
>With her parents<br>And Trina  
>For he last week.)<p>

"Beck?" she said one day,  
>"Doesn't Jade<br>Seem different to you?"

"Different in what way?"  
>Beck responded,<br>Picking dirt off his boots.

"Sadder.  
>Quieter.<br>Colder."  
>She swallowed hard.<br>"Skinnier."

"What, you think she lost weight?"  
>Beck frowned.<br>"I'm not sure-"

"Well, it was only a couple pounds,"  
>Tori said,<br>"But she hasn't been at lunch  
>In about three days.<br>At all, actually, since I came back."

"She's been practicing lines  
>For an audition,"<br>Beck said.  
>But still,<br>He said,  
>"I'll talk to her."<p>

-  
>"Jadey, when the last time<br>I called you pretty?"

They were in Beck's RV  
>On his couch<br>And usually, Jade  
>Would sink further into his arms<br>At these words  
>And say,<br>In a light, teasing voice,  
>"Only about twenty minutes ago."<p>

Today was different.

"Beck," she scoffed.  
>"Don't bullshit me."<br>Beck frowned,  
>Staring at her.<p>

(Jade always took compliments  
>Sometimes with a little too much confidence.)<p>

"You okay?" he asked.

"'Course I am," Jade muttered.  
>"Just cold."<p>

"Cold," Beck echoed.

"Freezing, actually.  
>Stay there." Jade tapped his arm<br>And walked to his closet.  
>"I'm taking one of your shirts."<p>

Beck didn't say anything  
>But he watched her as she walked<br>Her favorite pair of jeans  
>Slid about an inch down her hips<br>Impatient, she hiked them up again.

-

Tuesday, February 13th

Calories today- 795

Current weight loss- 9 pounds

Percentage of goal reached- 45%

-

"Jadey, wanna go to a movie?"

Popcorn.  
>Mints.<br>M&M's.

"No."

"How about Karaoke Dokey?"

Burgers,  
>Buffalo nuggets,<br>Fries...

"No."

Cat sighed impatiently.

"Nozu?"

Sushi.  
>(Obviously.)<p>

"No..."

"Well I'm starving...  
>Wanna make ice cream sundaes?"<p>

She did want to, but...

"You go ahead and eat.  
>I'm actually not too hungry.<br>And also pretty cold,  
>And ice cream would just make that worse."<br>She forced a smile.  
>"Thanks, though."<p>

-

"Beck, why don't you have any blankets in this-"

He heard a ripping sound.

"Jadey, what did you do?"

"Don't call me Jadey."  
>A pause.<br>"I yanked all the covers off your bed."

"How?  
>You have, like,<br>No upper body strength."

Jade shrugged  
>And settled down next to him,<br>Wrapped in his chocolate-brown comforter.

-

Thursday, February 17th

Calories today- 680

Current weight loss- 12 pounds

Percentage of goal reached- 60%

-

"Jade, what's up?"

Andre, like everyone else,  
>Had read the signs by now.<p>

"Nothin' much.  
>You?"<p>

"Oh, just chilling,"  
>He said casually.<p>

"Cool." Jade nodded.

"You eating lunch with us today?"  
>[Please say yes, please...]<p>

"No, have to run lines.  
>Thanks, though."<p>

"You want me to buy you something?"  
>Andre offered.<p>

"I packed," Jade said,  
>Holding up a paper bag.<p>

Andre frowned.  
>"You sure you have enough food in there?"<p>

Jade smiled and nodded.

"Kay.  
>See ya,<br>Chica."  
>Andre walked away.<p>

Jade's smiled disappeared.

She grabbed her script out of her paper bag  
>And balled up the now-empty sack<br>And threw it away.

She hadn't lied  
>When she said she had enough to eat.<p>

When you don't want food,  
>No food at all would be good enough.<p>

-

Saturday, February 18th

Calories today- 128

Current weight loss- 16 pounds

Percentage of goal reached- 80%

-

"Hey, Jade,"

Beck smiled  
>As she walked in unceremoniously.<br>"I made soup for dinner."

"I actually just ate,  
>But thanks anyway."<br>She sat down on the couch.

"Oh, what'd you have?"  
>Beck kept his tone casual.<p>

Jade opened her mouth  
>But no sound came out.<p>

"Oh, you didn't eat?"  
>Beck smiled gently.<br>"Good thing I made soup.  
>Take some.<br>It's good,  
>It was in a really nice can<br>And everything."

Jade smiled weakly.

"A really nice can?  
>Wow. I bet the wrapper was pretty too."<p>

"Nowhere near as gorgeous as you, angel,"  
>Beck said, pushing a bowl towards her.<p>

She spooned up a bit,  
>Hesitantly blew,<br>Then-

"Can I see the wrapper?" she said abruptly,  
>Dropping her spoon back in the bowl.<p>

"I already recycled it..." Beck frowned.

"Oh, that's okay.  
>I'd like to see it-" her voice shook.<br>"Because if it was nowhere as pretty at me,  
>It must've been really goddamned ugly."<br>She slumped down in front of her bowl,  
>Managing not to spill it.<p>

"You okay, Jadey?"  
>Beck touched her shoulder.<p>

"I'm not eating this til I see the wrapper,"  
>Jade said decisively.<p>

Beck stared at her  
>Like he'd never seen her.<p>

Then slowly,  
>Slowly,<br>He walked over to the trash  
>And pulled it out,<br>Smoothed it,  
>And handed it to her.<p>

"Thankyou," she gasped.  
>She tapped on the table,<br>Counting.  
>"How much soup would you say is in this bowl?"<p>

"'Bout half the can," Beck shrugged.

Whispering to herself-  
>"A third of the can is 175,<br>So 175 times three divided by two- so-"  
>Her head shot up.<br>"Do you have a calculator I could borrow?"

"Just eat the soup, Jadey," Beck said firmly.

"Wait." She held up a single finger.  
>"That's about 263, so tomorrow I'll just-"<p>

Beck ripped the wrapper from her hands.  
>Jade stared up<br>And how had he not realized  
>How prominent her collarbone was?<br>How did he miss the way her eyes bulged out?  
>How could he ignore the sharp angles<br>Of her cheekbones,  
>Her forehead,<br>And probably,  
>If he looked,<br>Her hips, shoulders, knees...

"Aren't you going to eat, babe?"  
>His voice cracked slightly on the last word.<p>

"It's too late, I waited too long-  
>Now the soup's gotten cold."<br>Jade frowned.  
>"How do you expect me to eat cold soup?"<p>

"I'll warm it up," Beck said automatically.

Jade shook her head furiously.  
>"You can't, you've waited too long.<br>It's-"  
>She took a shuddering gasp.<br>"Too cold- so cold-"  
>Tears began to form<br>At the corner of her eyes.

"Jadey, it's not too late,"  
>Beck murmured,<br>Coming over to sit next to her.  
>"As long as you're still here,<br>You're safe.  
>You're alive.<br>It's not too late yet.  
>Now eat-<br>Please?"  
>He pushed the bowl towards her.<p>

Jade shook her head defiantly.

"Either you eat  
>Or I take you to a hospital,"<br>Beck said firmly.

Jade hesitated  
>Then nodded<br>And slowly  
>Took a spoonful of soup.<p>

"And-" suddenly Beck thought of something.  
>"Once this goes down,<br>It's staying down, understand?"

"Don't tell me what to do,"  
>Jade said automatically.<br>Then she sighed.  
>"Kay."<p>

"And there's more when you finish that...  
>And tomorrow, we're going out, okay?"<br>Beck took her left hand.

Jade swallowed quickly,  
>Grimacing as if it were painful.<br>"Where are we going?"

"I don't know.  
>Somewhere nice.<br>To celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"  
>Jade sighed.<p>

Beck shrugged.  
>"I just feel like<br>We haven't gone out in a while.  
>And things have been really looking up lately-<br>I mean, you're eating."  
>He smiled softly,<br>Squeezing her hand.

"Don't remind me," Jade sighed.  
>A pause.<br>"Fine, I'll go out tomorrow-  
>But only if you don't invite that freak show<br>That we go to school with-"

"They're our friends, Jadey," he reminded her.

"Don't call me that," she said automatically.

(She finished the soup)

-

She still stood on her scale sometimes

(Beck made sure she spent  
>As much time away from it as possible.)<p>

She still recorded numbers in her little book

(Until Andre took it from her.)

She still refused food when she could

(But Cat made sure she ate three meals a day.)

She gained ten pounds back

(It took a while, but still.)

She stopped sucking in her stomach  
>When she looked in mirrors<p>

She stopped comparing her legs to Tori's

She stopped caring.

And when Beck called her beautiful,  
>She told him that she knew she was.<p> 


End file.
